Farzana Gunjan

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Emotional Regulation: A Magic Tool

 

Emotional regulation means regulating or managing your emotions in a healthy way. The primary responsibility of teaching emotional regulation lies with the family of a child. But in this modern world, human beings are usually very detached from themselves, which makes them incapable of passing these lessons on to future generations. For several generations, we have not lived in harmony with nature, so we never got the chance to learn that. Now the only solution to bring it back is teaching those skills in school so the future generations grow up with a better understanding of themselves. It will significantly reduce the need for numbing down oneself with substances, which might reduce substance abuse on a large scale.

 

So yeah, that’s the good news here, we can always learn and grow, and if I can do it, you can too. It’s not rocket science, even though it's something we were born with but got disconnected in the process of life. Because of the whole disconnection practice going on in the world. Our parents or primary caregivers, or teachers—everyone learnt to disconnect themselves in childhood just to survive, so did we. They were incapable of teaching us these tools because nobody taught them as well. Though I’m not sure when this disconnection practice started in history.

 

The first rule of emotional regulation is learning to pause before reacting. Emotional regulation is taking a breath and choosing to respond over reaction. It is the process of recognizing emotions. that are not only in your head; it produces feelings that happen entirely in our body. It teaches you to listen to your emotions, to decode the message, and to give yourself what you need. It teaches you to release all of your emotions from the past and present and to stay present with your feelings when it gets intense and you feel like running from it. Sometimes we fear our own big feelings so much that we shut ourselves down, thinking they will disappear if we refuse to acknowledge it.  But sadly, it doesn’t work like that; the body keeps score of those big feelings and manifests those trapped energies into illness. 

Our feelings require only one thing, allowed to be felt. But we have only learned to divert and suppress our emotions in this modern world. We have mastered the art of scrolling it out, smoking it out, drinking it out, dating it out, and even gaming it out. We are experts in faking to be stable with a polite smile on our face when our whole world is shattering inside.

None of these works in our favor, trust me. But yeah, there are some diversions that work in our favor, like taking a walk, deep breathing, journaling, exercising, etc. Punching and shouting in a pillow helps me a great deal to release my anger. There are thousands of methods and techniques invented by different practitioners. EFT, Somatic healing, tapping, massage, emotional release, breathing exercises, meditation techniques, and what not. 

 

No matter whichever technique you choose, the purpose is same, getting those intense energies out of your system in a healthy way. I am gonna share some methods that I have learned and adapted throughout my journey.

 

• Meditation
• Journaling
• Yoga
• Breathing
• Movements: jumping, pushing through a wall, shaking,
• Dancing
• Self-hugging and soothing

 

Emotional regulation is one of the most essential life skills I have learned in adulthood. I can’t imagine how easy my whole life could have been if I learned it as a child. It liberated me from being trapped under my own emotions. As an HSP (highly sensitive person), I have struggled with my intense emotional responses both internally and outwardly. Most importantly, I suffered unknowingly. Like most people in this world, I never knew there were some tools that could be used to manage my emotions and ventilate them in a healthy way without damaging ourselves and others. I never understood what my BIG emotions were trying to say, and moreover, I never knew I was a highly sensitive person in the first place. But gaining knowledge about my own self has only empowered me in this journey of life. 

 

I feel we all need to understand what emotional regulation is and why do we need that. At the beginning, you may get interested in it if you are having difficulties managing emotional outbursts and people around you are complaining about it or you may face difficulties in the workplace. But the interesting thing is when you start the journey of exploring the depth of your emotions, you will understand it’s not about anyone else but yourself. It’s not only about how you behave with others and will not teach you to behave well; instead, it will open the doors to get rid of all those burdens you have been carrying for years. Eventually you will feel lighter, and automatically your mental peace will be restored with time. I am sure none of us have seen a happy and peaceful person to be short-tempered or ill-mannered! (Some people do fake it, keeping them off the list). 

I had published a blog titled ‘Why do we need to pour our own cups first?’ You can check that out for a better understanding of this.